I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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