my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You made out with two different species that night
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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