last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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