some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
