I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.