Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
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i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
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His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people