All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
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Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
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I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.