If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
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