hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My life is pants optional.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
