Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
