the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
