I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
