I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
