Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
