I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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