Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
