Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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