I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
