You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
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it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
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When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.