dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.