I want leopard sheets
thats the plan
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party