drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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