Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize