I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
