1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
What a dumb baby whore.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
