im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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