just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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