Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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