i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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