if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
