Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
