im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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