You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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