I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
