Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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