I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
