I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
