playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
