Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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