We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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