Your dad touched me again.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
