Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
