batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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