farters have to be the big spoon...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
