Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My vagina is officially offended.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
