Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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