your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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