What a fucking waste of an outfit
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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