Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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