When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
