as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
