this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
