I want to make a zoo with you.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
