Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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