physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
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He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
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'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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