apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
