Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
send nudes
from the living room?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
