woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
