I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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