She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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