watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
