matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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