I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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