the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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