i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
