Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
