five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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