i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
