I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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